Well that was a mouthful and a half wasn’t it. Talking about mouthfuls, get your laughing gear around this guilt free cheesecake…
Okay the squirty cream and oreos don’t count in the low cal part you caught me – but it is MOSTLY healthy, and the oreos are mini so they basically don’t count.
The magic ingredient in these bad boys is quark. The name makes it sound revolting, but it is actually a high protein, low fat soft cheese and the slimming world peeps are all over it like a rash.
If you’re wanting to cut the cals on any creamy dish – quark is your boy.
Ok not to be dramatic but I think my new uni house might be haunted. Now I know I’m a bit of a drama queen, but some little rascal keeps turning the tv on at night when nobody is downstairs and my stress levels are through the roof. The only logical answer is that we have a channel4 loving goblin living with us.
*UPDATE* we figured out the TV was on timer lol, panic over everyone. We do have a scary basement tho so a ghost seemed like a likely option at the time. #notclickbait
I know what you’re thinking – Han doing a low calorie dessert?!?! It was hard for me to believe too – the transition from blue milk to green was tough enough, but now I am fully embracing the healthy lifestyle (minus my chicken selects cravings once a week). The fact I would get hunted down by my mum’s slimming world group if I so dared to serve a full fat dessert was also weighing heavy on my mind (pardon the pun) #synner.
Yes they are as cheeky as they sound. If you’re at slimming world then close your eyes, cos these bad boys are SINFUL.
Cookie + jaffa cakes + brownie + Terry’s chocolate orange = a lot of layers, a lot of fun.
Everybody loves a classique brownie, but honestly these are just on another level. If you still need more convincing, here’s some feedback from my scavenger housemates who polished off the entire tray within 24hours.
A bit greasy and a massive flake, but we always go back for more – the croissant is the F-boy of the pastry world.
Making croissants is definitely a labour of luv so if you’re looking for a quick sweet fix, this is not the one for you. If however, you have a spare couple of days and want to make some DELISH pastry morsels then keep reading…
I made these little lovelies as part of the BreadAhead online tutorial. It was so much fun, learned a lot and would highly recommend if you want something different to do in lockdown – they have a massive range of tutorials it’s not just croissants! (BreadAhead pls sponsor me)
Before we get into it, here’s this week’s KG:
Another week, another new hobby. That’s right, I’m officially a yogi. Leeds Yoga society are running daily classes online so you can try out different types of yoga and embarrass yourself on zoom whilst doing it. Yin yoga is the top runner for me, it involves pillows and blankets – enough said really.
My current fave pose: Shavasana (corpse pose). You just lie still on the floor – bliss. I have not mastered any more advanced poses yet, but give me a few weeks and I’ll be one of those ripped, tanned girls doing yoga on the beach for my youtube channel. Like and subscribe xoxo
Back to biz
500g strong white flour (white bread flour)
55g caster sugar
40g unsalted butter
15g dried yeast
140ml cold water
140ml whole milk
250g cold unsalted butter
Pop flour, salt, sugar and dried yeast in a bowl and combine
make a well in the centre
Add in the milk and water and mix together until a dough forms
TOP TIP: you can smush it a bit to incorporate all the dry ingredients in but do not knead it!!! This will overwork the dough and make the folding tomorrow very hard.
Cover the bowl with cling film and whack it in the fridge for 8-12 hours (or overnight)
Take your dough out the fridge
Using your knuckles smush it into a rough square shape
With a rolling pin roll out each of the corners, leaving a raised square centre and 4 thin flaps/corners
get your butter out of the fridge
Bash it out with a rolling pin until it is a similar size to the raised dough square
Place your butter sheet on top of the raised dough square
Pull the bottom flap of dough to completely cover the butter
Pull the top flap of dough 80% over
Pull the side flaps across to the middle
What we have basically done here is wrap up our butter in the dough like wrapping up a parcel
with the seam running in the middle (the line where the side flaps meet) use your rolling pin to push down and create ridges in the dough (this makes it easier to roll)
Then roll out until a long rectangular shape (about 1/2 a rolling pin wide and 1 1/2 rolling pins long)
Fold the top of the dough over 2/3rds
Fold the remaining flap of dough over that (so you have a square of dough that is 3 layers thick)
This is called a fold! For croissants we will do 3 folds in total
TOP TIP: after the first fold keep the seam on the LEFT, this keeps all your folds in the same direction to give you nice layers
With the seam on the left, roll out your dough into a long rectangle again
Fold as you did before (top over 2/3rds, remaining flap on top of that so you have a 3 layered square ish shape)
Cover in cling film and put in the fridge to chillax for 1 hour (or more)
Once suitably relaxed, get it out and you guessed it roll into a long rectangle (remember seam on the left!!)
Fold as you did before – this is the 3rd and final fold!!! Nearly there now
cover again and put in the fridge to chill out for 3 hours (or more)
take the dough out, this time with the seam running HORIZONTALLY roll out until it is about 5mm thick
Cut triangles out of the dough (use 4 finger widths to keep them equal)
Stretch each triangle out by holding it up and running your other hand gently down it
Cut a small slit at the base of the triangle
Roll up from the base of the triangle until it forms a little croissant shape
Beat your egg and brush on top to make a nice golden glaze
Leave the croissants to rise in a warm place for 2 hours
Preheat your oven to 190C and (finally) whack in your croissants for 15 mins until nice and crispy
Get them out and scoff them all – it will be worth all the hard work I promise!
You made it to the end of that VERY long recipe, give yourself a pat on the back.
Thanks again everyone for all your continued support, comment any recipes you want to see next!
These truffles contain only 3 ingredients: live, laugh and love *monkey emoji*. Only messin it’s actually oreos, cream cheese and choccie, and they are soooo quick to make and even quicker scoff.
I decided to make mine into little pandas, not really sure why, I just got the urge, but you can decorate with whatever tickles your pickle.
Fun fact about pandas, they poo on average 40 times a day!!! Their pipes must be clean as a whistle, wish I could say the same, my iron tablets are clogging me up like no tomorrow. 😦
Before we get crackalackin, here’s this week’s KG:
First of all, I hope you all approve of my new identity. It was a sad day changing from BTB but I think it was a strategic career move from me.
Secondly, it’s another lockdown which means more questionable online purchases. Last night’s deal was a posture corrector in a desperate attempt to solve my Quasimodo back. It’s like a full on back brace, but nothing I can’t pull off. Will keep you all updated with the results, if I’m not a model in a month I’m going to be FUMIN.
Ok recipe time…
160g full fat cream cheese
optional – 1 tbsp icing sugar
200g white choc, 100g dark choc
Method – makes 10 golf ball sized truffles, triple the recipe if you live with Vic Fletcher
Choose your weapon to crush the oreos e.g. blender, rolling pin
make sure they’re finely crushed, you don’t want bitty truffles
plop your cream cheese into the crushed biccies and stir
I like to sweeten mine a bit more with 1 tbsp icing sugar but if you’re not addicted to sugar like me then you can skip this bit
form into balls – size is up to you, I made mine golf ball sized
place on a tray lined with baking paper/tin foil
pop in the freezer for 15 mins
whilst they’re chillaxin, get melting your choccie
take the chilled ballz out and coat in the choccie, I use a fork to get them out so some of the choc can drip off
top tip – if you’re coating in the white choc I would melt your choccie in batches because it can get a bit dirty from the oreo balls, so just melt enough to coat 1 or 2 truffles at a time!
if you’re a bit random and also want to make them into pandas, I did the face with white and dark choc and just used a cocktail stick to draw it on, and carved the ears out of an oreo using a knife (or you can just nibble it into shape)
if you don’t pandas then let your creative juices flow and decorate any way you like!
Whoopie pies are one of those controversial debate-sparking desserts that falls under the same category as Jaffa Cakes – are they a biccie, are they a cake? Honestly nobody knows and nobody cares, they’re just delish.
Before you panic, they’re choccie chips not raisins – I’m not a sicko.
Flapjacks are such an underrated sweet treat, and they are sooo easy to make. Plus, if you’re feeling generous, they are very easily packaged up and delivered to friends, neighbours or randomers during quarantine. Obviously I didn’t do that lol, me and my family demolished them before I had the chance, but if you had a bigger heart and a smaller stomach than me, you could x
What do you call a gun with 3 barrels? A trifle. HA. Ok I’ll stop now.
Now I like to think of trifle as a massive, sweet, calorie-filled lasagne, and everyone likes lasagne. What makes this Timperley Trifle timp-ly the best is that nothing has to be made from scratch – so you just layer all your favourite goodies and call it a day, ideal.