baking blog – The Soggy Bottom

Mini Egg Cookies

Posted on 19th Aug 202121st Sep 2021 by The Soggy Bottom

Not a paid partnership with mini eggs – I bloody wish it was 😦 Someone sponsor me pls I need some free samples to wrap up for Christmas prezzies.

These cookies are pretty delectable, and plus they’re a right CHONK so you won’t need to eat for the next 3-5 working days. Perfect for being stranded in the wilderness #beargrylls #isfit #youcan #explore #mywilderness #anytime

Right dunno what else to say atm except make the cookies they’re peng, here’s this week’s KG

Kitchen Goss

Been doing a big house clear out because I am so bored it has driven me to actually tidy up. Turns out I was a sucker for a self portrait back in the early 00s, being the Picasso that I am, they are scarily accurate.

Choose your warrior:

1) Wiggy McPigster: dead trim, yellow teeth and a 50cm head that will knock you out straight. Luscious lashes, gorgeous smile.

2) Tangerine Dream: what in the sunbed?!? voldemort nose, edgy girl willy wonka fringe. Smiling = forbidden. Eyebrows = on fleek (I’m going to bring that word back)

Also not to get all cringe but I found this cute pic of what I wanted to be when I grew up – mum I made it I’m gonna be a DAcToR x

Right enough now, get your mini eggs out and stop faffing around

Recipe adapted from our babe Jane https://www.janespatisserie.com/2018/03/08/mini-egg-cookies/

Ingredients

300g plain flour
1/2 tsp bicarbonate soda
1/2 tsp salt
100g light brown sugar
100g granulated sugar
115g melted butter
splash or two or three of vanilla extract
3 90g bags of mini eggs (or more if you have 5 million pounds to spare)
some choccie chips – not going to lie I didn’t measure I just sprinkled in and ate the rest

Method

Stir your flour, bicarb and salt together
in another big boy bowl, chuck both your sugars, butter and vanilla in and give that a little mix (no not the band)
add your flour mix into this and stir together
beat the living daylights out of 2 of the mini eggs bags
stir these crushed bits into the dough mix
sprinkle in as many choccie chips as you please – go on treat yourself my love
grab little balls and plop them on a baking tray lined with baking paper
using your remaining bag of whole mini eggs, squish these nicely on the top to make the cookies look all pretty
bake for 12mins ish at 180C
let them cool and set up before you try and scoff them – I know what you’re like!!!

Righty ho well that’s me off. Have a lovely rest of the day my chickens. Lots of love, Han x x x

Savoury

Chicken Bakes (Greggs)

Posted on 3rd Apr 2021 by The Soggy Bottom

I come from a family of big Greggs fans (my sister even calling her sausage dog Gregg after their famous sausage roll), so people who don’t love a cheeky pastry treat give out major alarm bells.

With this recipe you can chef up your very own Greggs delight in your jimjams and dressing gown without even having to leave the house!

Because I’m a bit much I made my own puff pastry for this (recipe will be uploaded soonish), but if you want you can just to buy some to get the quick Greggs fix – I’ll allow it.

I didn’t get v good pics of them, but they were actually well nice so would recommend giving this one a go (if I do say so myself)

Kitchen Goss

It’s official, I’m down with the kidz. Yep, I have been sucked into the TikTok pit and my screen time is majorly suffering now. I actually feel like such a nan trying to work it, this vid took me no word of a lie HOURS to make and I was cringing myself out with the voice over, so no hate please.

Pls can someone who is a TikTok expert give me some coaching because I need to make it to the Hype House (is this even a thing anymore I can’t keep up?!?!?) Give us a cheeky follow @kitchen_goss to see some more incredible content, or alternatively just wait until I pop up on your fyp when I’m too famous 4 u x

original recipe: Greggs Chicken Bake | Baking Recipes | GoodtoKnow

Ingredients

1 chicken breast
100ml chicken stock
1 tsp corn flour mixed with a bit of water
1 tsp cream cheese (or more if you want it extra creamy)
a glug of double cream
salt and pepper to season
puff pastry (bought or made if you’re *extra*)
1 egg

Method – made 3 large and in charge chicken bakes

chippety chop your chicken breast into small chonkz and cook until golden
add in the chicken stock, cornflour water thing, and the cream cheese
glug in your cream
season as you like and leave to cool
roll out your pastry and cut into Greggs sized rectangles
add your chicken sludge in the centre of one of the rectangles
Egg wash the edges of the pastry and add another rectangle of pastry on top
crimp it down with a fork
cut wavy lines in the top (this is the classic Greggs chicken bake sign, if you do anything else you’re wrong grr)
egg wash the top to make it golden n gorg
whack in the oven for 15-20 mins or until the little lovelies are golden brown and smelling delish
scran

And that’s all for today my little nuggets, sorry I’ve not been posting much lately, would like to say I’ve been doing work but I’ve just been on TikTok.

Luvs ya, Han, KG x x x

Cakes, Other Treats

Chocolate Orange Slutty Brownies

Posted on 12th Feb 2021 by The Soggy Bottom

Yes they are as cheeky as they sound. If you’re at slimming world then close your eyes, cos these bad boys are SINFUL.

Cookie + jaffa cakes + brownie + Terry’s chocolate orange = a lot of layers, a lot of fun.

Everybody loves a classique brownie, but honestly these are just on another level. If you still need more convincing, here’s some feedback from my scavenger housemates who polished off the entire tray within 24hours.

Continue reading →

Other Treats

Croissants

Posted on 3rd Feb 20213rd Feb 2021 by The Soggy Bottom

A bit greasy and a massive flake, but we always go back for more – the croissant is the F-boy of the pastry world.

Making croissants is definitely a labour of luv so if you’re looking for a quick sweet fix, this is not the one for you. If however, you have a spare couple of days and want to make some DELISH pastry morsels then keep reading…

I made these little lovelies as part of the BreadAhead online tutorial. It was so much fun, learned a lot and would highly recommend if you want something different to do in lockdown – they have a massive range of tutorials it’s not just croissants! (BreadAhead pls sponsor me)

Before we get into it, here’s this week’s KG:

Kitchen Goss

Another week, another new hobby. That’s right, I’m officially a yogi. Leeds Yoga society are running daily classes online so you can try out different types of yoga and embarrass yourself on zoom whilst doing it. Yin yoga is the top runner for me, it involves pillows and blankets – enough said really.

My current fave pose: Shavasana (corpse pose). You just lie still on the floor – bliss. I have not mastered any more advanced poses yet, but give me a few weeks and I’ll be one of those ripped, tanned girls doing yoga on the beach for my youtube channel. Like and subscribe xoxo

Back to biz

Ingredients

DAY 1
500g strong white flour (white bread flour)
12g salt
55g caster sugar
40g unsalted butter
15g dried yeast
140ml cold water
140ml whole milk
DAY 2
250g cold unsalted butter
1 egg

Method

DAY 1
Pop flour, salt, sugar and dried yeast in a bowl and combine
make a well in the centre
Add in the milk and water and mix together until a dough forms
TOP TIP: you can smush it a bit to incorporate all the dry ingredients in but do not knead it!!! This will overwork the dough and make the folding tomorrow very hard.
Cover the bowl with cling film and whack it in the fridge for 8-12 hours (or overnight)
DAY 2
Take your dough out the fridge
Using your knuckles smush it into a rough square shape

With a rolling pin roll out each of the corners, leaving a raised square centre and 4 thin flaps/corners

get your butter out of the fridge
Bash it out with a rolling pin until it is a similar size to the raised dough square
Place your butter sheet on top of the raised dough square
Pull the bottom flap of dough to completely cover the butter
Pull the top flap of dough 80% over
Pull the side flaps across to the middle
What we have basically done here is wrap up our butter in the dough like wrapping up a parcel
with the seam running in the middle (the line where the side flaps meet) use your rolling pin to push down and create ridges in the dough (this makes it easier to roll)
Then roll out until a long rectangular shape (about 1/2 a rolling pin wide and 1 1/2 rolling pins long)

Fold the top of the dough over 2/3rds
Fold the remaining flap of dough over that (so you have a square of dough that is 3 layers thick)

This is called a fold! For croissants we will do 3 folds in total
TOP TIP: after the first fold keep the seam on the LEFT, this keeps all your folds in the same direction to give you nice layers
With the seam on the left, roll out your dough into a long rectangle again
Fold as you did before (top over 2/3rds, remaining flap on top of that so you have a 3 layered square ish shape)
Cover in cling film and put in the fridge to chillax for 1 hour (or more)
Once suitably relaxed, get it out and you guessed it roll into a long rectangle (remember seam on the left!!)
Fold as you did before – this is the 3rd and final fold!!! Nearly there now
cover again and put in the fridge to chill out for 3 hours (or more)
take the dough out, this time with the seam running HORIZONTALLY roll out until it is about 5mm thick
Cut triangles out of the dough (use 4 finger widths to keep them equal)

Stretch each triangle out by holding it up and running your other hand gently down it
Cut a small slit at the base of the triangle

Roll up from the base of the triangle until it forms a little croissant shape
Beat your egg and brush on top to make a nice golden glaze
Leave the croissants to rise in a warm place for 2 hours

Preheat your oven to 190C and (finally) whack in your croissants for 15 mins until nice and crispy
Get them out and scoff them all – it will be worth all the hard work I promise!

You made it to the end of that VERY long recipe, give yourself a pat on the back.

Thanks again everyone for all your continued support, comment any recipes you want to see next!

Lots of love, your fave Han, KG x x x

Cakes

Lemon Celebration Cake

Posted on 11th Sep 202019th Dec 2020 by The Soggy Bottom

We’re taking it back to my baking roots – the birthday cake. When I had first properly got into baking about age 12, the fondant bday cake was my stomping ground. Now, fondant isn’t what all the trendy kids want (youths these days grrr), so instead we move over to buttercream cakes – tastier, but harder to make look semi-decent.

This is one of my first buttercream cakes and went a bit off the rails with it. Feelin like one of those edgy art people and off to get a very short fringe cut to fit my new persona. Honestly, just call me Bob Ross x

Before we move on, here’s this week’s KG…

Kitchen Goss

I’m back in L town after TOO long. My cave is finally decorated (yes the nawti Mary Berry poster has made a return.) Despite all odds, my houseplants have survived their first week (hello Miss Greenfingers). I won’t do my washing until I have 1 sock and an age 12-13 T-shirt left. My housemates don’t hate me yet – give it another week girls 😉 and my diet has gone back to exclusively sour skittles and spag bol. IT’S. GOOD. TO. BE. BACK.

Ingredients

For the sponge:

340g butter
340g caster sugar
6 eggs
340g self-raising flour
zest of 3 lemons

For the lemon syrup:

85g caster sugar
juice from 1 1/2 lemons

For the buttercream:

3 tbsps lemon curd
swiss meringue buttercream or Italian meringue buttercream (basic recipe link here, you will need 2 or 3x this recipe:)

https://bitchesthatbake.home.blog/2020/01/31/italian-meringue-buttercream/

For the splashes:

4tbsps icing sugar
1-3tsps water – add until very drippy

Decor:

Isomalt splash – tutorial coming soon don’t panic
cake board covered with fondant (optional)

Method

preheat oven to 180C and line 3 6inch round cake tins with baking paper
beat your butter and sugar
add in the eggos one at a time – don’t worry if it looks curdled at this point
fold in flour, vanilla extract and zesty stuff
plop even amounts into your cake tins
bake for 20-30 mins or until a skewer comes out clean
start making your syrup – mix together the sugar and lemon juice
poke a few holes all over the cakes with a skewer or whatever pointy item you can lay your hands on
drizzle the syrup all over the sponges – this will keep them super *MOIST*
let cool completely in the tin
make your buttercream and add in the lemon curd to flavour
level cakes using a knife or a cake leveller to be extra poncey
place one cake layer on turntable or plate
add a thin layer of lemon curd, followed by a blob of buttercream
sandwich with the next cake layer and repeat the lemon curd and buttercream blob
put the final cake layer on top
smooth a thin layer of buttercream all around the outside of the cake – this is called a crumb coat
pop in the fridge for an hour (or longer) to set
once set, smooth over a thicker layer of buttercream – use a palette knife and cake scraper (or anything with a straight edge) to work the buttercream into nice sharp lines
set in the fridge for at least one hour
mix small amounts of buttercream with food colouring of your choice
bring your chilled cake out of the fridge
get small amounts of coloured buttercream on a palette knife (or just a normal knife) and swipe onto the cake
keep going until you’re happy
mix up your splash mixture – stir together icing sugar and water until very drippy consistency
add whatever colour floats your boat at this point – I went for gold but sort of just looks brown 😦
dip in a paintbrush and shake it like mad at your cake
To finish off I added an isomalt splash – TUTORIAL COMING SOON – and put onto a basic silver cake board which I iced with fondant to make it look less rubbish
cut and enjoy x

And that’s the end of that very long recipe – sorry for blabbing on. Hope you all have a wonderful week. Lots of love, Han, BTB x

Cakes

Lemon Drizzle Cake

Posted on 29th Aug 2020 by The Soggy Bottom

We all love a naughty bit of lemon driz, and this recipe from my queen – Mazza Bazza – is absolutely spectacular.

I was trying out my new loaf tin for this bad boi (yes it was another B&M purchase before you ask) and now I think I’ve spiralled into a slightly worrying tin obsession. What will be next?!? Classic bundt tin, or maybe a fun willy shaped one??? Who knows x

Before we get into the citrussy goodness, time for some juicy kitchen goss…

Kitchen Goss

6 years ago, the entire nation was busy filming themselves being drenched in iced water. Sometimes you’d stumble across a gem – ones where people’s tops fell down or they slipped – but most were just like mine: uncomfortable to watch.

Here I am, aged 14, sporting my Ed Sheeran T-shirt (my first concert which I attended with my dad.) Jeans cutting off circulation to my legs, alarmingly large eyebags. Is that a festival wristband you see? Oh no sir, that is a wristband from guide camp. The bun and full fringe, a strong and iconic look that I am SURE will make a come back very shortly. I was cool x

This vid may be cringe, but the ice bucket challenge did help to raise lots of monies for a great cause and is providing quality entertainment 6 years on, so we allow it x

Anyway enough jibber jabber, on with the cake.

recipe from https://savvybites.co.uk/mary-berrys-lemon-drizzle-cake/

Ingredients

Cake:
225g butter
225g caster sugar
4 eggs
225g self raising flour
zest of 1 1/2 lemons

lemon syrup:

juice of 1 1/2 lemons
85g caster sugar

Driz:

juice of 1/2 lemon
100g icing sugar

Decor:

zest of 1/2 lemon
edible glitter (this is essential)

Method – makes a 2lb loaf cake

whack your oven on 170C and line a 2lb loaf tin with baking paper
Beat the sugar and butter together until paler than me
Add in the eggos one at a time
fold in your flour
plop into your prepared tin and bang that in your oven for 30-35mins or until a skewer comes out clean
whilst your cake is still hot, make your lemon syrup
mix the lemon juice and sugar together
poke loads of holes in your warm cake and pour over syrup, this will make your cake even moister and even lemony-er
leave cake to cool in the tin whilst it soaks up all the juicy goodness
once cool take out of the tin
make your driz by mixing the lemon juice and icing sugar
using a spoon drizzle the drizzle
decorate with your remaining zest and lots of glitter x

Anyway that’s all for today folks, hope yall have a fun n fresh week xxx

Lots of luv, Han, BTB xoxo

Cakes

Biscoff Cupcakes

Posted on 19th Aug 202019th Dec 2020 by The Soggy Bottom

Lotus Biscoff has had SUCH a glow up these past few years. It has gone from the classic ‘hairdresser biscuit’ to now even having its own spread (which is excellent if you’ve not tried it).

Thought it was about time I jumped on the hype and I’m super glad I did. These little morsels are prettyyyyy fineeeee.

Before we get to it, here’s what you came for…

Kitchen Goss

I decided I needed more than a ratty handmade quote to decorate my room at uni this year. There was only one place for the job. The holy ground: B&M Bargains.

Honestly that shop is a genuine spa day, I always come out feeling rejuvenated and ready crack on with my elaborate interior design ideas.

Here are 3 reasons why B&M is better than an actual spa retreat:

At B&M you THINK you’re spending your life savings on cr*p, but get to the checkout and are pleasantly surprised. Whereas at a spa day you blow £200 to get naked and listen to whale music.
At B&M nobody touches you with oily hands (except that one time…)
At B&M you come out with loads of useless clutter. Spa day you leave oily and empty handed 😦

Thank you for coming to my TED talk x

Right enough chit chat, let’s get crackin.

I’ve adapted this recipe from Baking Mad by adding in the spices which gives biscoff its unique flavah. (https://www.bakingmad.com/recipes/cupcakes-muffins/cupcakes/biscoff-cupcakes) Thanks for the inspo!

Ingredients

CUPCAKES
150g butter
150g light brown sugar
3 eggs
150g self-raising flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp ground clove
1/4 tsp all spice

BUTTERCREAM
150g butter
300g icing sugar
175g biscoff spread
2-3tbsp milk

DECOR
lotus biscuits
20g lotus spread, melted
Edible glitter – optional if you’re boring

Method

Bang your oven on 180C
Beat the living daylights out of the butter and sugar
add in the eggs
fold in the flour, baking powder, cinnamon, clove, all spice and vanilla
plop into cupcake cases and bake for 20-25mins until golden n gorg
whilst those are chillin out, crack on with the buttercream
Beat the butter, icing sugar and biscoff spread together
add milk to thin out to a pipe-able consistency
Chuck the buttercream in a piping bag and pipe away
decorate with lotus biccies, melted spread and lots of edible glitter

And that’s it for today folks. Hope you enjoy these as much as I did.

If you’ve been a busy bee baking at home, send in a picture to my Instagram @bitches_that_bake for a once in a lifetime feature!!!

Lots of luv, BTB, Han xxx

Savoury

Crusty White Bread

Posted on 10th Aug 202011th Aug 2020 by The Soggy Bottom

Crusty bread from a crusty girl x

Now I’m not normally a bread baker (mainly because you can’t gobble the mix as you go along) but this dough was superrrrr easy to make and actually turned out crispy n delish.

Before we get into the crumby biz, here’s this week’s kitchen goss…

Kitchen Goss

Note to self: NEVER go on a first date to the beach. We were having the time of our lives splish splashing around in Newcastle when Vic’s GoPro captured some horrific/hilarious pics that have honestly made my self esteem PLUMMET.

Pictured: 2 girls, one looks scarily like Paul Chuckle, the other just looks bad.

Action shot ❤ Caitlin, the goggles are a look x

Wig slip x

Overall, I think everyone on the beach got second hand embarrassment from us, but we had a mint time (minus thinking I had frost bite because my toes went purple.) Can’t wait for next year, love you two weirdos so much xxx

Anyway enough of that, are you bready for action? Sorry I’ll stop now, that was really bad.

(recipe adapted from https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/blog/2016/01/01/no-knead-crusty-white-bread)

Ingredients

450g plain flour
350ml lukewarm water (slosh your finger in it, if you can’t keep your finger in for 15secs then it’s too hot)
1/2 tbsp salt
7g dried yeast

Method – makes 2 loaves (you can double the recipe but not sure why you’d want 4 loaves of bread x)

mix everything together until it forms a very sticky dough
BAM! The hard work is done
put it in a large & in charge bowl and cover with cling film
let rise at room temp for 2 hours
then put the bowl in the fridge for 1-7 days
This is where the flavour develops, the longer you leave it the tangier it gets
(I only left mine for 1 day because I was too impatient but it was still pengaleng)
when you’re ready to make the bread: get 2 baking trays lined with baking paper, and flour your surface
sprinkle the top of the dough with flour and grab a big chunk (about half of the dough)
plop it onto the floured surface and shape it into a rough blob
repeat for the other half of dough
put your balls of dough onto your lined baking trays
sift flour over the top
let come to room temperature for about 1 hour
Slash with a sharp knife a couple of times
preheat your oven to 210C and put a metal tray on the bottom of your oven (we will be putting water in this to create steam)
put your dough in the oven, and pour one mugful of boiling water into the hot metal tray
shut the door quickly – the steam is what makes a really crispy crust
bake for 25-30mins until golden and crisp
Gobble as soon as it is cool enough to do so x

And that’s it folks. Thanks again for all your continued support n dat, if you’ve not already followed my instagram I’d love it if you’d take a quick peep @bitches_that_bake

Lots of luv, Han (BTB xxx)

Kitchen Goss

Ingredients

Method

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Kitchen Goss

Ingredients

Method – made 3 large and in charge chicken bakes

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Kitchen Goss

Ingredients

Method – makes a 2lb loaf cake

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Kitchen Goss

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Method

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Kitchen Goss

Ingredients

Method – makes 2 loaves (you can double the recipe but not sure why you’d want 4 loaves of bread x)

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