Tag: baking

Posted in Cakes, decoration

Easter cake (no tools required!)

Posted on by The Soggy Bottom

When you’re first getting into cake decorating, it’s easy to be fooled into thinking you need a million special tools to create a professional looking cake.

Well STOP RIGHT THERE. Before you go rushing to Lakeland (the motherland), and break the bank on a turntable, airbrush and edible pigments, give this no tools Easter cake a whirl.

This super cute Easter cake is a great one to make with young sprogs because no special tools or skills are needed, what a win!

Now before you all start coming for me, I did use a piping bag (I know, the shame), but no nozzle and the same effect can be achieved by snipping off the end of a zip lock bag!

Before we get crackalackin, here’s some nawti kitchen goss:

Kitchen Goss

A new month, a new obsession, this time it’s below deck. Sorry, how have I not discovered this gem of a tv show before now?!? It’s everything I love – drama, relationships and boats – all rolled into one. #boatlover

The obsession has taken a new turn and I’ve now convinced myself that yachting needs to be in my life.

Yes, I was the world’s worst waitress so the silver service of the stews might not be for me.

Yes, I have the upper body strength of a malnourished 12 year old so deckhand would also be a struggle.

Yes, I nearly drowned trying to surf in Scarborough so sea safety isn’t my forte.

But haters gonna hate, the ocean is my calling. See you on the waves #yachtie #seeyounextcharter #steworcrew 😈🤘🤪

Anyway back to decorating…

I’ve made a short vid showing how to recreate this cake at home, but if you really love reading there are written instructions below!

Ingredients

  • Cake recipe of your choice (I did coffee because I’m officially an adult and like the taste of coffee now)
  • Buttercream (enough to fill and ice the cake, and to make little chickies)
  • Piping bag/freezer bag/zip lock bag
  • mini eggs (I used a total of 6 small bags, but I rek like 2 big ones would be fine)
  • Sprinkles
  • Food colouring (yellow, black, orange)
  • Optional – cocktail sticks
  • Optional – gel icing pens (available in any supermarket)

Method

  • Get your cake of choice baked and cooled
  • Make some classic American buttercream (or try this recipe if you’re being fancy: https://the-soggy-bottom.com/2020/01/31/italian-meringue-buttercream/ )
  • fill between the layers of your cooled cakes, and crumb coat (put a thin layer of icing around the whole outside of your cake)
  • Chill in the fridge!!! This step is really important if you want a clean looking cake (need at least 30 mins I would say)
  • Get a decent blob of buttercream (but save some for the chicks) and spread over your chilled crumb coated cake, it doesn’t really need to be super neat because we’re going to cover it all up anyway so just whack it on!
  • Pop that back in the fridge to firm up
  • In the mean time start prepping your decor
  • Colour most of your remaining buttercream yellow
  • Plop into a piping bag (or freezer bag)
  • If you do the next step on greaseproof paper or tin foil it will make it easier:
  • Snip off the end and pipe a big blob, then a smaller blob on top to make your chicks
  • Freeze these for 5 mins – you’ll then be able to pick them up and handle them much easier
  • Colour tiny amounts of buttercream black and orange, and use a cocktail stick to place these on the chick to form eyes and beak
  • TOP TIP – if you want to make this step easier, buying the gel icing pens from supermarkets are really useful for small details like this
  • Get your cake back out the fridge and chuck some mini eggs on
  • Cut out a small circle from paper and place on the cake
  • Fill the surround with sprinkles and push them in a bit so they don’t all fall off
  • Peel off your paper, and place your chickies in the centre
  • All done!!

Right well that’s the end of that.

I hope you all have a fabuloso Easter.

Thanks for reading, lots of luv, Han x

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Posted in Other Treats

Low-Calorie cookies and cream cheesecake

Posted on by The Soggy Bottom

Well that was a mouthful and a half wasn’t it. Talking about mouthfuls, get your laughing gear around this guilt free cheesecake…

Okay the squirty cream and oreos don’t count in the low cal part you caught me – but it is MOSTLY healthy, and the oreos are mini so they basically don’t count.

The magic ingredient in these bad boys is quark. The name makes it sound revolting, but it is actually a high protein, low fat soft cheese and the slimming world peeps are all over it like a rash.

If you’re wanting to cut the cals on any creamy dish – quark is your boy.

Kitchen Goss

Ok not to be dramatic but I think my new uni house might be haunted. Now I know I’m a bit of a drama queen, but some little rascal keeps turning the tv on at night when nobody is downstairs and my stress levels are through the roof. The only logical answer is that we have a channel4 loving goblin living with us.

*UPDATE* we figured out the TV was on timer lol, panic over everyone. We do have a scary basement tho so a ghost seemed like a likely option at the time. #notclickbait

Anyway back to the little lovelies…

Recipe inspired and adapted from https://www.slimmingeats.com/blog/chocolate-cheesecake

Ingredients

  • low cal biccies e.g. rich tea lights (ok confession time I used some fibre one bars in the bottom of mine, would NOT recommend doing this unless you want to break your chompers. Chewy central)
  • 1-2 tsp low calorie butter spread
  • 250g fat free quark
  • 1 options white chocolate sachet
  • 1 options milk chocolate sachet (add another sachet if you want it choco choco)
  • squirty cream and oreo minis if your diet has gone out the window

Method – makes 3 cheesecakes

  • smush up your biccies (I would use 2 biccies per cheesecake) and add the butter to bind it
  • chuck that in your vessel of choice – glasses work well for this so you can see all the layers of lurv
  • split your quark into two bowls
  • add the white choc sachet to one bowl
  • add the milk choc sachet to the other
  • mixy mixy
  • plop nicely on top of the biccies in layers – or mix it all together if you are a sicko
  • chuck in the fridge overnight to get nice n firm
  • decorate with loads of calories
  • the end

Hope you enjoyed this short but sweet one, as always check out my insta @the_soggy_bottom for more exclusive content.

Any suggestions for recipes you want to see comment them below!!

Luvs ya lots ta-ra my loves, Han xxx

Posted in Other Treats

Low fat Eton Mess

Posted on by The Soggy Bottom

I know what you’re thinking – Han doing a low calorie dessert?!?! It was hard for me to believe too – the transition from blue milk to green was tough enough, but now I am fully embracing the healthy lifestyle (minus my chicken selects cravings once a week). The fact I would get hunted down by my mum’s slimming world group if I so dared to serve a full fat dessert was also weighing heavy on my mind (pardon the pun) #synner.

Continue reading “Low fat Eton Mess” →
Posted in Other Treats

Croissants

Posted on by The Soggy Bottom

A bit greasy and a massive flake, but we always go back for more – the croissant is the F-boy of the pastry world.

Making croissants is definitely a labour of luv so if you’re looking for a quick sweet fix, this is not the one for you. If however, you have a spare couple of days and want to make some DELISH pastry morsels then keep reading…

I made these little lovelies as part of the BreadAhead online tutorial. It was so much fun, learned a lot and would highly recommend if you want something different to do in lockdown – they have a massive range of tutorials it’s not just croissants! (BreadAhead pls sponsor me)

Before we get into it, here’s this week’s KG:

Kitchen Goss

Another week, another new hobby. That’s right, I’m officially a yogi. Leeds Yoga society are running daily classes online so you can try out different types of yoga and embarrass yourself on zoom whilst doing it. Yin yoga is the top runner for me, it involves pillows and blankets – enough said really.

My current fave pose: Shavasana (corpse pose). You just lie still on the floor – bliss. I have not mastered any more advanced poses yet, but give me a few weeks and I’ll be one of those ripped, tanned girls doing yoga on the beach for my youtube channel. Like and subscribe xoxo

Back to biz

Ingredients

  • DAY 1
  • 500g strong white flour (white bread flour)
  • 12g salt
  • 55g caster sugar
  • 40g unsalted butter
  • 15g dried yeast
  • 140ml cold water
  • 140ml whole milk
  • DAY 2
  • 250g cold unsalted butter
  • 1 egg

Method

  • DAY 1
  • Pop flour, salt, sugar and dried yeast in a bowl and combine
  • make a well in the centre
  • Add in the milk and water and mix together until a dough forms
  • TOP TIP: you can smush it a bit to incorporate all the dry ingredients in but do not knead it!!! This will overwork the dough and make the folding tomorrow very hard.
  • Cover the bowl with cling film and whack it in the fridge for 8-12 hours (or overnight)
  • DAY 2
  • Take your dough out the fridge
  • Using your knuckles smush it into a rough square shape
  • With a rolling pin roll out each of the corners, leaving a raised square centre and 4 thin flaps/corners
  • get your butter out of the fridge
  • Bash it out with a rolling pin until it is a similar size to the raised dough square
  • Place your butter sheet on top of the raised dough square
  • Pull the bottom flap of dough to completely cover the butter
  • Pull the top flap of dough 80% over
  • Pull the side flaps across to the middle
  • What we have basically done here is wrap up our butter in the dough like wrapping up a parcel
  • with the seam running in the middle (the line where the side flaps meet) use your rolling pin to push down and create ridges in the dough (this makes it easier to roll)
  • Then roll out until a long rectangular shape (about 1/2 a rolling pin wide and 1 1/2 rolling pins long)
  • Fold the top of the dough over 2/3rds
  • Fold the remaining flap of dough over that (so you have a square of dough that is 3 layers thick)
Seam on the LEFT
  • This is called a fold! For croissants we will do 3 folds in total
  • TOP TIP: after the first fold keep the seam on the LEFT, this keeps all your folds in the same direction to give you nice layers
  • With the seam on the left, roll out your dough into a long rectangle again
  • Fold as you did before (top over 2/3rds, remaining flap on top of that so you have a 3 layered square ish shape)
  • Cover in cling film and put in the fridge to chillax for 1 hour (or more)
  • Once suitably relaxed, get it out and you guessed it roll into a long rectangle (remember seam on the left!!)
  • Fold as you did before – this is the 3rd and final fold!!! Nearly there now
  • cover again and put in the fridge to chill out for 3 hours (or more)
  • take the dough out, this time with the seam running HORIZONTALLY roll out until it is about 5mm thick
  • Cut triangles out of the dough (use 4 finger widths to keep them equal)
Mind the tootsies oops x
  • Stretch each triangle out by holding it up and running your other hand gently down it
  • Cut a small slit at the base of the triangle
  • Roll up from the base of the triangle until it forms a little croissant shape
  • Beat your egg and brush on top to make a nice golden glaze
  • Leave the croissants to rise in a warm place for 2 hours
  • Preheat your oven to 190C and (finally) whack in your croissants for 15 mins until nice and crispy
  • Get them out and scoff them all – it will be worth all the hard work I promise!

You made it to the end of that VERY long recipe, give yourself a pat on the back.

Thanks again everyone for all your continued support, comment any recipes you want to see next!

Lots of love, your fave Han, KG x x x

Posted in Other Treats

Oreo Truffles

Posted on by The Soggy Bottom

These truffles contain only 3 ingredients: live, laugh and love *monkey emoji*. Only messin it’s actually oreos, cream cheese and choccie, and they are soooo quick to make and even quicker scoff.

I decided to make mine into little pandas, not really sure why, I just got the urge, but you can decorate with whatever tickles your pickle.

Fun fact about pandas, they poo on average 40 times a day!!! Their pipes must be clean as a whistle, wish I could say the same, my iron tablets are clogging me up like no tomorrow. 😦

Before we get crackalackin, here’s this week’s KG:

Kitchen Goss

First of all, I hope you all approve of my new identity. It was a sad day changing from BTB but I think it was a strategic career move from me.

Secondly, it’s another lockdown which means more questionable online purchases. Last night’s deal was a posture corrector in a desperate attempt to solve my Quasimodo back. It’s like a full on back brace, but nothing I can’t pull off. Will keep you all updated with the results, if I’m not a model in a month I’m going to be FUMIN.

Ok recipe time…

Ingredients

  • 24 oreos
  • 160g full fat cream cheese
  • optional – 1 tbsp icing sugar
  • 200g white choc, 100g dark choc

Method – makes 10 golf ball sized truffles, triple the recipe if you live with Vic Fletcher

  • Choose your weapon to crush the oreos e.g. blender, rolling pin
  • make sure they’re finely crushed, you don’t want bitty truffles
  • plop your cream cheese into the crushed biccies and stir
  • I like to sweeten mine a bit more with 1 tbsp icing sugar but if you’re not addicted to sugar like me then you can skip this bit
  • form into balls – size is up to you, I made mine golf ball sized
  • place on a tray lined with baking paper/tin foil
  • pop in the freezer for 15 mins
  • whilst they’re chillaxin, get melting your choccie
  • take the chilled ballz out and coat in the choccie, I use a fork to get them out so some of the choc can drip off
  • top tip – if you’re coating in the white choc I would melt your choccie in batches because it can get a bit dirty from the oreo balls, so just melt enough to coat 1 or 2 truffles at a time!
  • if you’re a bit random and also want to make them into pandas, I did the face with white and dark choc and just used a cocktail stick to draw it on, and carved the ears out of an oreo using a knife (or you can just nibble it into shape)
  • if you don’t pandas then let your creative juices flow and decorate any way you like!
  • let them set up a bit more in the fridge
  • eat

Recipe inspired by Cooking Classy – recipe here Oreo Balls Oreo Truffles – Cooking Classy

And that’s it for today. Soz I’ve not done a blog in SO long, new year’s resolution is to write more so keep your little eyes peeled!

Hope you all have a fabby week

Lots of luv, Han, KG xxx

Posted in Cakes

Lemon Drizzle Cake

Posted on by The Soggy Bottom

We all love a naughty bit of lemon driz, and this recipe from my queen – Mazza Bazza – is absolutely spectacular.

I was trying out my new loaf tin for this bad boi (yes it was another B&M purchase before you ask) and now I think I’ve spiralled into a slightly worrying tin obsession. What will be next?!? Classic bundt tin, or maybe a fun willy shaped one??? Who knows x

Before we get into the citrussy goodness, time for some juicy kitchen goss…

Kitchen Goss

6 years ago, the entire nation was busy filming themselves being drenched in iced water. Sometimes you’d stumble across a gem – ones where people’s tops fell down or they slipped – but most were just like mine: uncomfortable to watch.

Here I am, aged 14, sporting my Ed Sheeran T-shirt (my first concert which I attended with my dad.) Jeans cutting off circulation to my legs, alarmingly large eyebags. Is that a festival wristband you see? Oh no sir, that is a wristband from guide camp. The bun and full fringe, a strong and iconic look that I am SURE will make a come back very shortly. I was cool x

This vid may be cringe, but the ice bucket challenge did help to raise lots of monies for a great cause and is providing quality entertainment 6 years on, so we allow it x

Anyway enough jibber jabber, on with the cake.

recipe from https://savvybites.co.uk/mary-berrys-lemon-drizzle-cake/

Ingredients

  • Cake:
  • 225g butter
  • 225g caster sugar
  • 4 eggs
  • 225g self raising flour
  • zest of 1 1/2 lemons

lemon syrup:

  • juice of 1 1/2 lemons
  • 85g caster sugar

Driz:

  • juice of 1/2 lemon
  • 100g icing sugar

Decor:

  • zest of 1/2 lemon
  • edible glitter (this is essential)

Method – makes a 2lb loaf cake

  • whack your oven on 170C and line a 2lb loaf tin with baking paper
  • Beat the sugar and butter together until paler than me
  • Add in the eggos one at a time
  • fold in your flour
  • plop into your prepared tin and bang that in your oven for 30-35mins or until a skewer comes out clean
  • whilst your cake is still hot, make your lemon syrup
  • mix the lemon juice and sugar together
  • poke loads of holes in your warm cake and pour over syrup, this will make your cake even moister and even lemony-er
  • leave cake to cool in the tin whilst it soaks up all the juicy goodness
  • once cool take out of the tin
  • make your driz by mixing the lemon juice and icing sugar
  • using a spoon drizzle the drizzle
  • decorate with your remaining zest and lots of glitter x

Anyway that’s all for today folks, hope yall have a fun n fresh week xxx

Lots of luv, Han, BTB xoxo

Posted in Cakes

Biscoff Cupcakes

Posted on by The Soggy Bottom

Lotus Biscoff has had SUCH a glow up these past few years. It has gone from the classic ‘hairdresser biscuit’ to now even having its own spread (which is excellent if you’ve not tried it).

Thought it was about time I jumped on the hype and I’m super glad I did. These little morsels are prettyyyyy fineeeee.

Before we get to it, here’s what you came for…

Kitchen Goss

I decided I needed more than a ratty handmade quote to decorate my room at uni this year. There was only one place for the job. The holy ground: B&M Bargains.

Honestly that shop is a genuine spa day, I always come out feeling rejuvenated and ready crack on with my elaborate interior design ideas.

Here are 3 reasons why B&M is better than an actual spa retreat:

  1. At B&M you THINK you’re spending your life savings on cr*p, but get to the checkout and are pleasantly surprised. Whereas at a spa day you blow £200 to get naked and listen to whale music.
  2. At B&M nobody touches you with oily hands (except that one time…)
  3. At B&M you come out with loads of useless clutter. Spa day you leave oily and empty handed 😦

Thank you for coming to my TED talk x

Right enough chit chat, let’s get crackin.

I’ve adapted this recipe from Baking Mad by adding in the spices which gives biscoff its unique flavah. (https://www.bakingmad.com/recipes/cupcakes-muffins/cupcakes/biscoff-cupcakes) Thanks for the inspo!

Ingredients

  • CUPCAKES
  • 150g butter
  • 150g light brown sugar
  • 3 eggs
  • 150g self-raising flour
  • 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/4 tsp ground clove
  • 1/4 tsp all spice
  • BUTTERCREAM
  • 150g butter
  • 300g icing sugar
  • 175g biscoff spread
  • 2-3tbsp milk
  • DECOR
  • lotus biscuits
  • 20g lotus spread, melted
  • Edible glitter – optional if you’re boring

Method

  • Bang your oven on 180C
  • Beat the living daylights out of the butter and sugar
  • add in the eggs
  • fold in the flour, baking powder, cinnamon, clove, all spice and vanilla
  • plop into cupcake cases and bake for 20-25mins until golden n gorg
  • whilst those are chillin out, crack on with the buttercream
  • Beat the butter, icing sugar and biscoff spread together
  • add milk to thin out to a pipe-able consistency
  • Chuck the buttercream in a piping bag and pipe away
  • decorate with lotus biccies, melted spread and lots of edible glitter

And that’s it for today folks. Hope you enjoy these as much as I did.

If you’ve been a busy bee baking at home, send in a picture to my Instagram @bitches_that_bake for a once in a lifetime feature!!!

Lots of luv, BTB, Han xxx

Posted in Savoury

Crusty White Bread

Posted on by The Soggy Bottom

Crusty bread from a crusty girl x

Now I’m not normally a bread baker (mainly because you can’t gobble the mix as you go along) but this dough was superrrrr easy to make and actually turned out crispy n delish.

Before we get into the crumby biz, here’s this week’s kitchen goss…

Kitchen Goss

Note to self: NEVER go on a first date to the beach. We were having the time of our lives splish splashing around in Newcastle when Vic’s GoPro captured some horrific/hilarious pics that have honestly made my self esteem PLUMMET.

Pictured: 2 girls, one looks scarily like Paul Chuckle, the other just looks bad.

Action shot ❤ Caitlin, the goggles are a look x

Wig slip x

Overall, I think everyone on the beach got second hand embarrassment from us, but we had a mint time (minus thinking I had frost bite because my toes went purple.) Can’t wait for next year, love you two weirdos so much xxx

Anyway enough of that, are you bready for action? Sorry I’ll stop now, that was really bad.

(recipe adapted from https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/blog/2016/01/01/no-knead-crusty-white-bread)

Ingredients

  • 450g plain flour
  • 350ml lukewarm water (slosh your finger in it, if you can’t keep your finger in for 15secs then it’s too hot)
  • 1/2 tbsp salt
  • 7g dried yeast

Method – makes 2 loaves (you can double the recipe but not sure why you’d want 4 loaves of bread x)

  • mix everything together until it forms a very sticky dough
  • BAM! The hard work is done
  • put it in a large & in charge bowl and cover with cling film
  • let rise at room temp for 2 hours
  • then put the bowl in the fridge for 1-7 days
  • This is where the flavour develops, the longer you leave it the tangier it gets
  • (I only left mine for 1 day because I was too impatient but it was still pengaleng)
  • when you’re ready to make the bread: get 2 baking trays lined with baking paper, and flour your surface
  • sprinkle the top of the dough with flour and grab a big chunk (about half of the dough)
  • plop it onto the floured surface and shape it into a rough blob
  • repeat for the other half of dough
  • put your balls of dough onto your lined baking trays
  • sift flour over the top
  • let come to room temperature for about 1 hour
  • Slash with a sharp knife a couple of times
  • preheat your oven to 210C and put a metal tray on the bottom of your oven (we will be putting water in this to create steam)
  • put your dough in the oven, and pour one mugful of boiling water into the hot metal tray
  • shut the door quickly – the steam is what makes a really crispy crust
  • bake for 25-30mins until golden and crisp
  • Gobble as soon as it is cool enough to do so x

And that’s it folks. Thanks again for all your continued support n dat, if you’ve not already followed my instagram I’d love it if you’d take a quick peep @bitches_that_bake

Lots of luv, Han (BTB xxx)

Posted in Cakes

Self-saucing toffee pudding

Posted on by The Soggy Bottom

You saucyyyyy minx. *Said in dirty Northern accent*

As my closest homies will know, my fave EVER dessert is a classic sticky toffee pudding. But when the craving hits, there’s just no time to scurry out to get dates or slave over making a toffee sauce. This is where this self-saucing pud saves the day.

It’s pretty snazzy, the sauce is poured over the cake batter and everything gets banged in the oven. 30 mins later and the cake has magically swapped places with the toffee sauce. It is genuine witchcraft.

Before we get crackalackin, here is the KG:

Kitchen Goss

Today is a very very special day. After 4 long weeks my homebrew is FINALLY ready for a naughty sample. Like all good craft beers, I needed an edgy name for my little baby.

Rochdale Rat P*ss seemed fitting. Genuinely would rather have a plague-riddled rat from the Dale tinkle in my mouth than drink this.

Jokes it’s actually alright, went down a treat.

this little cutie slurpin on some homebrew x

Back to biz

(recipe adapted from https://myfoodbook.com.au/recipes/show/caramel-self-saucing-pudding)

Ingredients

  • FOR THE SAUCE
  • 60g light brown sugar
  • 1tbsp golden syrup
  • 25g butter
  • 150ml boiling water
  • FOR THE SPONGE
  • 50g butter – melted
  • 75g caster sugar
  • 125g self raising flour
  • 100ml milk
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract

Method – serves 4, double it if you want more you lard arse

  • get your oven on 180C and get a baking dish of your choice nice and greasyyyy
  • chuck the sauce ingredients (light brown shug, golden syrup, butter and boiling water) in a jug and give that a cheeky stir
  • Bang all the cake ingredients (butter, caster sugar, flour, milk and vanilla) in another bowl and give that a stir until smooth
  • put your batter in your greasy dish
  • carefully pour your sauce all over the top
  • bake for 30mins until the cake is golden and the sauce is at the bottom of the dish
  • Let sit for 5 mins cos it is literally bobby boiling
  • Crack open the ice cream, serve n enjoy x

Happy customer x

Blob of icecream. Blob into mouth. The end.

Posted in Savoury

Soft Pretzels

Posted on by The Soggy Bottom

Salty, twisted, and a bit soft – no I’m not talking about your ex. These soft pretzels are super fun to make, and can be made salty or sweet (or both) depending what tickles your fancy.

These were another delight from my BakedIn box, and they did not disappoint. I won’t harp on about BakedIn again but they are mint (pls sponsor me xoxo).

Before we get into the twisty business, here is this week’s KG.

Continue reading “Soft Pretzels” →