Posted in Other Treats

Low fat Eton Mess

I know what you’re thinking – Han doing a low calorie dessert?!?! It was hard for me to believe too – the transition from blue milk to green was tough enough, but now I am fully embracing the healthy lifestyle (minus my chicken selects cravings once a week). The fact I would get hunted down by my mum’s slimming world group if I so dared to serve a full fat dessert was also weighing heavy on my mind (pardon the pun) #synner.

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Posted in Biccies

Chocolate crinkle cookies (Gluten Free!)

Everyone likes cookies, everyone likes crinkles, and my housemate Issy likes gluten free things so she doesn’t have explosive diarrhoea, so these bad boys were a solid hit all round.

They aren’t your typical chewy cookie, or a snap biccie, so if that’s what you’re craving, leave now. These little norts are crispy on the outside and fudgey in the middle (more brownie sort of vibes) and they are absolutely deeeeeeeeelish.

I was always one to stay away from gluten free baking because I thought they always tasted a bit bob, but honestly these have converted me. Buckle up for an influx of gluten free bakes coming your way everyone.

Before we get crinkling, here this week’s KG

Kitchen Goss

New week, new lockdown craze (I need to stop doing this and actually stick to something hehe.) In some moment of madness I decided to start couch to 5k, taking me from couch potato to a steamy jacket potato with cheesy beans. You get to choose your motivating voice and I have really got attached to Michael Johnson, I feel like we have such a connection when he tells me I’m doing great for running for 60secs. I’ve completed the first week – shocker I know – so keep your eyes peeled for me trotting round Hyde Park. Fitness isn’t just for Christmas, it’s for life x

Anyway enough about me…

For once in my life I haven’t actually deviated from the recipe! This one is from the amazing Becky Excell who makes some sick gluten free goodies. Gluten-free Chocolate Crinkle Cookies Recipe (dairy-free) (glutenfreecuppatea.co.uk)

Ingredients

  • 60g cocoa powder
  • 60ml veg oil
  • 200g caster sugar
  • 2 large eggs
  • 175g gluten free plain flour
  • 1/4 tsp xanthan gum (this is used in a lot of gluten free bakes to make it all stick together, available at most supermarkets!)
  • 1sp gluten free baking powder
  • 50g icing sugar

Method

  • line a couple of baking trays ready for your little delights
  • mix together cocoa, oil and caster sugar until a thick paste
  • add the eggs one at a time and give that a good beating
  • add in flour, xanthan gum and baking powder and mix until a nice soft dough magically appears (for reference it shouldn’t be a rolling out dough sort of consistency, but more of a thick goo)
  • pop that in the fridge for an hour and grab yourself a cuppa (or a gin) to celebrate the hard work
  • after an hour whack your oven on 170C (or just guess if you have a raw flame in your oven like me)
  • pop your icing sugar into a separate bowl
  • take clumps of dough (about 45g of dough each) and roll into a ball
  • then roll that ball in your icing sugar and place on your prepped lined trays
  • once all the balls are powdered 😉 bake for about 10-12 mins and you should have a lovely cracked surface (if you want yours less fudgey then bake for a couple mins longer!)
  • enjoy with a glass of cold milk (blue milk for the win)

And that’s all for today my angels, I hope you all have a fabulous week. Keep smiling, lots of luv, KG (Han) x x x

Posted in Savoury

Crusty White Bread

Crusty bread from a crusty girl x

Now I’m not normally a bread baker (mainly because you can’t gobble the mix as you go along) but this dough was superrrrr easy to make and actually turned out crispy n delish.

Before we get into the crumby biz, here’s this week’s kitchen goss…

Kitchen Goss

Note to self: NEVER go on a first date to the beach. We were having the time of our lives splish splashing around in Newcastle when Vic’s GoPro captured some horrific/hilarious pics that have honestly made my self esteem PLUMMET.

Pictured: 2 girls, one looks scarily like Paul Chuckle, the other just looks bad.

Action shot ❤ Caitlin, the goggles are a look x

Wig slip x

Overall, I think everyone on the beach got second hand embarrassment from us, but we had a mint time (minus thinking I had frost bite because my toes went purple.) Can’t wait for next year, love you two weirdos so much xxx

Anyway enough of that, are you bready for action? Sorry I’ll stop now, that was really bad.

(recipe adapted from https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/blog/2016/01/01/no-knead-crusty-white-bread)

Ingredients

  • 450g plain flour
  • 350ml lukewarm water (slosh your finger in it, if you can’t keep your finger in for 15secs then it’s too hot)
  • 1/2 tbsp salt
  • 7g dried yeast

Method – makes 2 loaves (you can double the recipe but not sure why you’d want 4 loaves of bread x)

  • mix everything together until it forms a very sticky dough
  • BAM! The hard work is done
  • put it in a large & in charge bowl and cover with cling film
  • let rise at room temp for 2 hours
  • then put the bowl in the fridge for 1-7 days
  • This is where the flavour develops, the longer you leave it the tangier it gets
  • (I only left mine for 1 day because I was too impatient but it was still pengaleng)
  • when you’re ready to make the bread: get 2 baking trays lined with baking paper, and flour your surface
  • sprinkle the top of the dough with flour and grab a big chunk (about half of the dough)
  • plop it onto the floured surface and shape it into a rough blob
  • repeat for the other half of dough
  • put your balls of dough onto your lined baking trays
  • sift flour over the top
  • let come to room temperature for about 1 hour
  • Slash with a sharp knife a couple of times
  • preheat your oven to 210C and put a metal tray on the bottom of your oven (we will be putting water in this to create steam)
  • put your dough in the oven, and pour one mugful of boiling water into the hot metal tray
  • shut the door quickly – the steam is what makes a really crispy crust
  • bake for 25-30mins until golden and crisp
  • Gobble as soon as it is cool enough to do so x

And that’s it folks. Thanks again for all your continued support n dat, if you’ve not already followed my instagram I’d love it if you’d take a quick peep @bitches_that_bake

Lots of luv, Han (BTB xxx)

Posted in Cakes

Self-saucing toffee pudding

You saucyyyyy minx. *Said in dirty Northern accent*

As my closest homies will know, my fave EVER dessert is a classic sticky toffee pudding. But when the craving hits, there’s just no time to scurry out to get dates or slave over making a toffee sauce. This is where this self-saucing pud saves the day.

It’s pretty snazzy, the sauce is poured over the cake batter and everything gets banged in the oven. 30 mins later and the cake has magically swapped places with the toffee sauce. It is genuine witchcraft.

Before we get crackalackin, here is the KG:

Kitchen Goss

Today is a very very special day. After 4 long weeks my homebrew is FINALLY ready for a naughty sample. Like all good craft beers, I needed an edgy name for my little baby.

Rochdale Rat P*ss seemed fitting. Genuinely would rather have a plague-riddled rat from the Dale tinkle in my mouth than drink this.

Jokes it’s actually alright, went down a treat.

this little cutie slurpin on some homebrew x

Back to biz

(recipe adapted from https://myfoodbook.com.au/recipes/show/caramel-self-saucing-pudding)

Ingredients

  • FOR THE SAUCE
  • 60g light brown sugar
  • 1tbsp golden syrup
  • 25g butter
  • 150ml boiling water
  • FOR THE SPONGE
  • 50g butter – melted
  • 75g caster sugar
  • 125g self raising flour
  • 100ml milk
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract

Method – serves 4, double it if you want more you lard arse

  • get your oven on 180C and get a baking dish of your choice nice and greasyyyy
  • chuck the sauce ingredients (light brown shug, golden syrup, butter and boiling water) in a jug and give that a cheeky stir
  • Bang all the cake ingredients (butter, caster sugar, flour, milk and vanilla) in another bowl and give that a stir until smooth
  • put your batter in your greasy dish
  • carefully pour your sauce all over the top
  • bake for 30mins until the cake is golden and the sauce is at the bottom of the dish
  • Let sit for 5 mins cos it is literally bobby boiling
  • Crack open the ice cream, serve n enjoy x

Happy customer x

Blob of icecream. Blob into mouth. The end.

Posted in decoration

Italian Meringue Buttercream

Not overly sweet and smoother than my chat up lines – you won’t go back to the basic buttercream after getting your nashers round this.

There are 3 main types of buttercream – American, Italian meringue and Swiss meringue. There are some other irrelevant ones but these are the 3 top dawgs.

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Posted in Cakes

Vanilla Latte Cupcakes

Now I’ve always been more of a tea gal myself, but the struggle of making it into anatomy on 4 hours sleep has forced me to branch out to coffee. I must admit I’m a bit of a baby when it comes to coffee – just about handling a brew with half a pint of milk and 236487293487 sugars. I do, however, enjoy a vanilla latte which is why these bad bois have been rustled up.

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